Each of us is unique, creative, and individual
THE NATURE OF US
To be a fully unique individual, creative, and interconnected with our world, is a level of aliveness rare in our world. We know this flow of aliveness through the freely moving breath and the river of sensations that move within our bodies, as well as our bodily felt engagement with the world. And while we become an individual, we are not autonomous, we are interdependent. The flow comes through us and is uniquely shaped by our bodyminds, then expressed through us into the collaborative soup of life.
Driving down Highway 1, on a hot autumn morning, loving the steep curves and views around each corner, I suddenly realize I am back in flow after a grueling night of not much sleep, the second in a row actually. But now I am feeling relaxed, rock on the sound system, and the joy of driving when there is little traffic on the road. By in the flow, I mean mellow, at peace, and ideas for this essay pouring in from the world around me.
This was an unexpected example of flow, the ideas just arising when I was otherwise engaged. In every moment the new is emerging, and depending on our availability and personal direction in life, we may be free to recognize a fresh idea or an innovation. The dreaming comes, the notes arise, or a scene emerges in our mind. We may be very still in silence, or simply relaxed in a kind of open attention, as in this example above.
I talked about this in a recent essay, and illustrated with Thich Nhat Hanh’s poems.
In order to be in the flow and one with our unique individuality, we must include the body. Yet sadly, most of us have learned to suppress the body’s promptings.
We have learned to dominate and deny the experience of our bodily life. This initial act of aggression against ourselves is only a short step away from acts of aggression (against) towards the environment and others. By dominating or disassociating from the rushes of excitement we experience bodily, we create a struggle within ourselves that tends to spill out into other areas of our lives. We are simply not taught how to be personally responsible for the power and wisdom of our bodily life. Richard Strozzi-Heckler
From early on, we wrestle with our families trying to protect us, shaping us to fit into the world. I remember being told I did not feel what I was feeling, or that I should wipe an expression off my face. Often we are shamed and blamed to blend in -for our own good, so they say. This then continues in the school systems we encounter. Unskilled at how to deal with these suppressed feelings and emotions, we tighten our muscles and diaphragm to restrict the breath and smother uncomfortable feelings.
Childhood and adult trauma also results in restrictive patterns. In some cases like my own, early trauma in utero, and then a week in the hospital for surgery at three years, necessitated a lot of unraveling of patterns in my adult years.
We learn to control our selves, to dominate the body. Eventually we no longer notice we are doing this. Our posture is shaped by these patterns, a sunken chest, a sucked in belly. We unconsciously depress ourselves. This control induces fatigue, we become unhealthy and weak, or possibly we burst out in rage from time to time. Athletic ability may be affected, or everyday movement.
Our ability to be creative and follow the unique rhythms of our individual nature is affected. When our bodily feelings have been suppressed for a long time, we are no longer breathing naturally. Here Stanley Keleman in the book Your Body Speaks Its Mind elaborates:
An individual who will not fully inhale will not fully inspire himself, and accept into his surroundings the influx of his surround. An individual who inhibits exhaling will not fully commit himself, give himself trustingly to his surround. An individual who will not fully breathe restricts his individuality.
I talked in the last essay about collaborative intelligence, and how brilliance arises when we participate with the whole of life. And how necessary it is to be receptive to life. Here we see Keleman explain how the held areas of our bodies restrict us from both being fully receptive, as well as fully entering into action. We need to be very fluid to respond to the change that is occurring in each moment or we risk being caught in a series of roles, dully acting from what we think we should do - instead of responding authentically.
If not restricted, our freely moving breath changes in each moment. It has a different quality when we are resting vs walking around, and different when we are sad, surprised, or angry. It will expand and contract naturally with our feelings. Charlotte Selver describes how every event has an influence on us:
. . . on our breathing, our blood circulation, our stomach activities, the functioning of our glands, and so on. In other words, all the mysterious interwovenness which is happening in the living organism is coming to an expression in every moment in which we are living in our environment.
We are usually not enough awake for it, but sometimes you may have noticed that when something or somebody really interests you, you are speeded up, even when you were tired a moment ago. Your breathing changes; your vitality changes; you are functioning quite differently than before. . . .
Breathing is always as the person is. It is the clearest indication of what is happening in the person - unless it is made up.
By made up, Charlotte is talking about an idea of how we should breathe, a controlled way of breathing that prevents us from exploring the breath that is uniquely emerging though us. The breath may stop, become shallow or jagged, and each change relays information about our emotional state.
If an atmosphere is not right for us, our breathing may tell us - or if our heart is touched by something, then an opening may occur and we will find ourselves relaxing and expanding. Noticing our breathing is a fundamental way we can know what is uniquely right or meant for us. Rather than force the breath to be a certain way, get to know your breath, explore how it is in certain states, and let it take you more deeply into knowing yourself.
Breath is fundamental to a sense of connection with our world. How will I know what I feel about something if I am holding still and not breathing? From Will Johnson:
If you hold your body and breath still, you are unable to relax, and if you are unable to relax, you create a barrier to the subtle and shimmering current of sensation that could otherwise be felt to pass freely through the entire length of your body.
There is a pattern of conformity in our world that sees holding still and not breathing as normal. Actually, it is most often a disembodied state in which we have become lost in an inner monologue, no longer aware of the breath and the body’s sensations. We are lost in thought, not connected to the present moment. Not only are we not aware of the breath, the richness of bodily sensations, and the information they are feeding us, but we also are disconnected from the sights and sounds around us.
At first it takes time to notice our breath and body, but it is the way back to our wholeness, sense of uniqueness, and presence as a true individual in life. The river of life flows through our bodies as a stream of sensations and aliveness, continually revealing information of how we are feeling about another person, a project, or an environment. It is our primary connection to the collaborative intelligence which is univeral mind.
Eventually it becomes easy to feel oneself and be among people, but I certainly had to take time-outs by myself to notice my breath and feel myself at first. I have learned to be in an open attention, as I described in the opening of this essay, being aware of a number of strands at once, including my own body sensations.
Once we are not restricting the flow of breath and sensation through the body, there is a baseline of relaxation we can rely on. We learn to rely on our bodies to discern what feels true to us - what feels right. Our full discernment and health rest on our body knowing.
Once we have a baseline of what feels relaxed and flowing to us, our attention is drawn to the range of emotions being evoked - what feels right to us, what concerns us, what creates fear in our bodies, or anger, and what feels joyful. Aa well as what sources of information we can trust, whether or not labeled as true. If we learn to trust our gut instincts and emotional responses, we can discern what is uniquely right for us, even if the crowd is moving in a different direction. We shape our individuality by using this discernment, and we shape our unique creativity.
It takes courage to free ourselves and live in our bodies, trust the intelligence that pours through the body, and choose a path to being fully individual. I have spent a lot of time on the breath in this essay because, when it is restricted, we are unwittingly constraining ourselves. So it is the first step. Emotions and old memories will surface that we need to face. Just today I was feeling a tightness in my chest, then a painful memory arose, followed by a flood of tears.
This is work that takes time. And yet there is wonder to be had when we delve into ourselves, as Charlotte Selver said above: all the mysterious interwovenness which is happening in the living organism is coming to an expression in every moment in which we are living in our environment. To know ourselves fully, we enter into this mysterious unfolding of aliveness - life.
Thank you for joining me here today!
Sabrina Page, MA in Philosophy, Cosmology and Consciousness, is an Aquarian with Sun trine Uranus.
I offer a mirror for your true brilliance, uniquely expressed and embodied, to emerge. I will support you in living life fully, freely, and fluidly, intertwined with nature. I have extensive study in movement (with Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen), dance (with Emilie Conrad) and astrology (with Prof. Richard Tarnas), some of the leading individuals in their fields. My private sessions are offered on zoom, phone, or in person in Bolinas, Ca.
More information is available on my website, sabrinapage.com
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Once again, lovely!!!
these times i am struggling to actually sink into my body. so many problems always to fix - i need to go to the trail, and hope later will provide that opening - within me - to break away to sink in...