Love and the Wild

THE NATURE OF US

    

The wild calls to us in a thousand ways. Feeling the beat of the heart, what quickens it, noticing what makes the heart fuller, this is the moment to moment thread to follow. We are drawn to what we love. A rhythm, a word, a color, what moves us, what creates a feeling in the blood of more passion. The senses lead us. We follow a feeling, a touch, the beauty of a view and suddenly there is a fresh turn, a new insight – a feeling never before felt, a connectedness or recognition. We let go, following the thread of aliveness, awareness growing, sparking insight, watching pure mystery unfolding and breathing it all, body opening into a new alignment - an elemental connection pulling us deeper into the shimmering and multi-textured wild body of the world.

Like the petals on a flower, we unfold over time, feeling something grow within and pushing up through our bodies to daylight. A new neural pathway, a lasting connection, is made. We are forever changed with each new encounter. The wild emerges through us - and shapes us. 

Sometimes the wild comes through vivid dreams that feel more real than everyday reality. These are from journals I kept:

I traveled with the whales to an underground cave where they dressed me in their skin. I felt love and the power within their skin to resonate and communicate that love, and I had a profound experience of my own skin. (2008)

A few days before that: I swam belly to belly with a dolphin and felt her unconditional love. I experienced the rhythm of the rising and falling, in and out of the water, as I merged with her, feeling total love.

This dream occurred in 2012 at the summer solstice. I am naked standing on an outcropping of rocks, on a cliff above a valley. I am not alone, someone is by my side, but I cannot discern who it is. A tiger appears from the right and jumps into my arms, his back feet still on the ground, with his mouth resting against my arm. I don’t feel fear, but I slowly slide my arm away from his mouth, and at that moment feel the sensuality of his fur on my body.  We remain in peace together, my arms around him.

On the fall equinox three months later, I had another dream. I feel disconnected and I am calling to my tribe for help. A dolphin appears and I am held in her gaze, an intensely soulful contact with her left eye. Then, naked, I climb on her back. I feel the skin of my belly pressed against her flesh. Skin to skin, my breath and belly relaxing deeply and fully, we begin to ride the ocean waves, my breath in sync with hers. I realize she is teaching me to ride my breath – full on excitement, small waves, big waves, whatever arises. Sometimes it is intensely thrilling as we jump high into the air. My belly feels so supported by her body, and I feel how my own belly supports and nourishes me. The thought comes that she is from my tribe, that I am from wherever dolphins come from.

The last two dreams occurred during a summer when I was trying to find my way, yearning to go deeper, and praying to integrate the many strands of my work – body, nature, dance, spirituality. The skin to skin connection and the feeling of total kinship that I sensed in these dreams stayed with me. My felt body experience affirmed that I was on the right track, that the animals were listening and feeling my wanting to connect. I found myself being called deeper into the wild mystery of life, to a new level of unspoken interconnection, an embodied knowing.

Nourishment and caring were communicated in these dreams by the tiger and dolphin, as well as by the whales and dolphin in the earlier dreams, all emissaries from the wild mother body of the world. I was held but I also wrapped my arms around them, fully participating in this mutual loving. Both my skin and arms had previously been places of disconnection for me, as I had never felt them to be fully integrated into my body. The felt sense of interconnectedness in the dreams resulted in a greater integration through my body as well.

When I was 37, my father said something to me in a moment of uncharacteristic openness: I have always been afraid of your wildness, afraid you were like my mother.  He was apologizing for his judgment of me, I think, that I was too unconventional and spirited like my Irish grandmother. As have many of us, I grew up conflicted, trying to be a certain way, disconnected from myself in the world of humans. But the wild has kept on calling and the mystery continues to unfold. Again and again I follow the thread of aliveness and interrelatedness with nature, discovering the wholeness we are, letting go into the flow. How does the wild beckon to you?     

One day I was graced by the wonder of whales at the beach:

On a hot day in early May, I went to nearby Limontaur beach, an isolated strip that borders on Drakes Bay on the south side of the Point Reyes peninsula. As I began walking east I noticed a lone whale, first seeing her spouting water, then the sleek curve of her long black back. Feeling delighted and excited, I began to watch intently, halting my walk repeatedly to peer out into the sea. Over the course of an hour, she appeared to be circling in place, perhaps feeding, disappearing and re-emerging every five minutes or so. I alerted a couple walking by, and we began to watch together.  Soon they pointed out a second whale further to the east.

The whale I had first seen began to move slightly west, coming in closer, soon just beyond the breakers. Now her tail was sometimes noticeable – first the spout blowing, then a minute or two later the glistening curve of her back , then eventually the tail again as she began her dive back under. I felt enormous joy to be witnessing this amazing being so close to me. I was alone on the beach again, as the couple had moved on, and I sang a little song to the whale, feeling childlike wonder, pure happiness. 

Another hour went by and I was thirsty, so I ran to my car for more water, thinking I had seen the best. But when I returned a crowd of beachgoers was lining the shoreline a block to the west of my original sighting. As I approached that area I could see an entire pod had now arrived, many whales close in just beyond the breakers – one so close to the sand I feared she would beach herself. In and out, round and round, black curves and flipping tails, sometimes almost whole bodies exposed, they played and fed leisurely.

The scene on the beach was equally amazing, as a small crowd of all ages watched in awe - silent, respectful, some taking photos, everyone seemingly aware of what a rare opportunity this was, in the presence of these beautiful beings. Two communities, the whales and the humans, hanging together in the moment, in what seemed to me palpable bliss. Their presence had brought us all to a space of love and reverence on this clear windless day.

Another hour went by, and eventually the whales began to move further west, hugging the shore as they continued on their long journey from Baja to the north. Someone in the crowd told me that the mothers hug the shore with their babies to protect them from sharks further out. I felt graced and saturated as they moved on, as if I had been in an altered state for hours, deeply connected to these mysterious creatures who had chosen to rest in our bay. What a wonder to have witnessed their journey, and to feel the loving intertwining of our two species and the simple joy of being together.

Today I found this wonderful quote on the wild body of the world from Dr. Eugene Gendlin, who is known for his work on focusing, experiencing the felt sense of things. It is truly food for thought:

Your physically felt body is in fact part of a gigantic system of here and other places, now and other times, you and other people - in fact the whole universe. The sense of being bodily alive in a vast system is the body as it is felt from the inside.

Thank you for joining me here today!

Sabrina Page, MA in Philosophy, Cosmology and Consciousness. My background includes working with individuals and groups, with a focus on somatic inquiry and embodiment to support you in living life fully, freely and fluidly, intertwined with nature. As well, I have studied movement, dance and astrology with some of the leading individuals in their fields. My private sessions are offered on zoom, phone, or in person in Bolinas, Ca.

More information is available on my website, sabrinapage.com

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